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Marriage, separation, divorce, moving on and everything in between

In August of 1998, I was married to the love of my life. The joy and happiness I felt would last for almost 15 years. On January 3rd, 2013, we separated. A whole gambit of emotions came over me. Denial, sadness, denial, rage, anger denial, and emptiness. I would continue to feel this way for the next 6 months. I saw a counselor to get me through this, it was a very tough time in my life.

I had the support of all of my friends both locally and across the country. I took their advice from a friend local to me and one that lives in Utah. They both said if she is willing to give it all up now have her put it in writing. She was in love with someone whom I thought was a friend, she didn’t want anything except out to be with him.

The next 3 years it took a lot of personal reflection to redefine who I was and what I wanted out of life. I decided there would never be any reconciliation, so I filed for a divorce. I had to come up with new goals, and ideas of what I wanted to do both short-term and long-term. As I was reflecting a few things were very obvious to me.

First, while I was happy with my wife after some time had passed I realized I was actually happier without her. While we were deeply in love at one point it became more and more obvious we had just grown apart. She became very uncomfortable with our relationship when my income rose significantly higher than hers. While she did reap the benefits she was uncomfortable. It also did not help that three years before we separated I traveled a lot for my job, which took its toll but I later found out that it started before that.

Second, that she was no longer the same person I loved or married. As stated before we grew apart, but more to the point her whole personality changed. She has a civil service job that has her interact with the public, and as her one supervisor put it, she became “seasoned”. This seasoning came home with her and has affected her relationships with some of the family members as well.

Third, I knew I would never have left her. Even though I was happier after the breakup, I knew I would have never had initiated it as I took my vows seriously and would have stayed no matter what. No matter if I was unhappy, miserable or what, I would have never had separated. I did later after realizing I would never want to reconcile did file for the divorce which was very hard for me to do.

The divorce was relatively easy and amicable.

Dating was very interesting. It was nothing like before I was married, very shallow and tedious. For me, it all came down to numbers. 20 chats/texts narrowed down to 5 first dates which would maybe end in one-second date. But I still could not find anyone that would make me truly happy. Until that is I met LJ. While she made a new record for being the most expensive first date, it was only so because we sat at the wine bar for so long having the best conversation either of us had in quite some time. We had a second, third, etc.

I can truly and honestly say I am the happiest I have been in well over a decade. For all of us that go through a divorce just know you will make it through and find happieness again.

Doug

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